I have spent the last two weeks in and out of auto dealerships; sitting in backseats, crawling into cargo spaces and imagining what it would be like to wheel something twice the size of what I already own.
First I’ll tell you, don’t car shop in July, too hot! I have burnt the bigger part of my thighs a few times and there’s nothing more off-putting than a 200-pound, chain smoking car salesman pitting out in front of you.
No I much prefer the Mercedes dealership that has beautiful catwalk-worthy blondes who smell like soap answering my questions and a nice round man wearing a tie riding shotgun on the test drive. I will, however, give points to the Toyota salesman who gave an excellent Vince Vaughn impersonation, after I pointed out the similarities between the two. Then again, those points were quickly taken away after he refused to let my dog go on the test drive. I needed to understand where my 50-pound Springer would fit most comfortably in the Highlander.
Having said this, you should now understand that my shopping has run the gamut — price point ranging from $30k to 60k — because I feel it is best to know all the options realistic or otherwise.
But soon I realized that my personal requirements and specs of an SUV, crossover and/or wagon would eliminate most of the competition.
Why? Bucket seats.
I never realized it would be the hardest thing on the planet to find. Bucket seats only come from three makers; GMC/Chevy products, Mercedes R350 Wagon and yes the dreaded mini-van. And yes I test drove a mini-van. I’m trying to keep an open mind people. I can swallow my pride for the sake of comfort on long trips.
Nevertheless, top on my list of possibilities was the Tahoe. Jimmie Johnson drives one, how bad can they be? And then I drove one for a day. You have no idea how annoyed I was when the Chevy salesman couldn’t tell me why the mirrors and buttons were so small despite that being the no. 1 complaint by customers, according to him.
Ford. Really Ford?!
Me: Hi I would like to see your new Explorer.
Ford Dealer: We don’t have any
Me: Um thanks
Ah Mercedes. There is just something about German engineering, true German engineering. Not the VW Routan, that has a Chrysler engine so beware of what is really German and what is not.
I stopped in on the off chance that materialism would override practicality. It did once I sat in the R350 crossover. Wow! Meets all my requirements; bucket seats in the second row, tons of cargo in the back and drives like a dream.
But there’s just something about me and a $62,000 Mercedes Benz that doesn’t match up. I feel like I’d have to dress up to drive this car, maybe get some Botox and carry a large Louis Vouitton bag. It’s like when a girl in high school gets breast implants, too big too soon sister. Back’er down now!
Loved the Volvo XC90 until the salesman said they only take $1,000 off sticker.
Volvo: That’s just the way it is.
Next! That’s what I tell my two-year-old. That’s just the way it is my ass! It’s that way because Volvo is now owned by a Chinese company.
Frustrated beyond belief, my options began to dwindle. If I wanted a car with half the space but twice the price, I’d drive a BMW or Audi so not thanks. The Jeep’s redesign screwed up the windows and now it has poor visibility. The Honda Pilot? Too damn many on the road, they’re everywhere. I’d have to paint mine brown.
Speaking of brown. My husband and I might have found something today. The VW Touareg. No it doesn’t have bucket seats nor does it have rear seat entertainment and the cargo space is comparable to what I already have. Why am I considering it?
Second row leg room is the largest I have found without buying a $60k SUV. Very comfortable. And also, I may just pick this car because of its cool-ass colors. Chocolate exterior with saddle brown leather interior. My Charlie Murphy would look splendid in this machine and The Goose might like the panoramic sunroof.
And that’s it. My two-week experience looking for my next automobile. I’m just happy I’m not the one paying for it. Otherwise we’d be over at the damn J.D. Byrider or talking to the guys at Hyundai.SHARE